Strength

Well as most of you know I started this blog in an attempt to rediscover myself and my dreams. I quickly learned that I wasn't dreaming for "myself" at all. So I began to try to establish some dreams and desires for me. Dreams that were not wrapped up in my husband or my children. Somewhere along the way I settled on a few things I really wanted for my future. One was a new house (I am working on that one.) The other dream was to take better care of myself. So in an attempt to do that I began trying to exercise more several weeks ago.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays Elijah has swim clinic at the Northside YMCA. During his swim I have been walking on the tread mill and riding the stationary bicycle. Cheryl is at the Y during that time so she is exercising with me. It really helps having someone to work with. It makes the time go by much faster. Last week Grace took a teen fitness program at the Y. So this week she joined me in then the cardio room and then we went to the weight room for some more work. I am really glad to do this with my daughter. She and I are so very different. We have very few things that we both enjoy doing together. I really think this is something that will allow us to spend time with each other and help us get into better shape (OK, help me, she is already in great shape.)

Also, I have been walking on the track at church on Wednesday nights while the kids are in their classes. A couple of weeks ago Kathryn joined me. I really enjoy her company. It is a good mental and physical activity for me. I enjoy the adult conversation and I get to work out at the same time. What more could I ask for?

I will tell you what more! To lose fifty pounds that's what!!! I really need to start eating better. But I guess you have to start somewhere. At least I am exercising. I am starting to tell a difference in how I feel. I have had a lot more energy than usual this week. I am really glad that I began this journey. I can already see a difference in my life. I am happy and grateful. I pray for the strength and courage I need to continue. My dream to feel good and to feel good about myself is one I want to see come true.

Today's Scripture
[We pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, [to exercise] every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy. Colossians 1: 11

Beauty

I get the feeling we prayed but not enough. Because we got snow but not enough. At least Zion will get to see it laying on the ground. If it doesn't melt before he wakes up.

I went to crossing guard this morning (I really think they should have called school off.) It was snowing so hard!! It was absolutely beautiful. For a few moments everything was blanketed in white. I loved it. Man could never make anything more beautiful than God's creations. The snow is so majestic. I was standing outside directing traffic as the heaviest part of the snow shower came down. I just stood there in total awe of the beauty.

So many things around us have true beauty. But so often we fail to take the time to see them or appreciate them. I want to take time today to stop and enjoy the wonder of God's exquisite landscape. How blessed we are to live in East Tennessee. Where we are surrounded by nature in all of its glory. Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to us in such an amazing way.

Today's Scripture

“Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.” —Psalm 29.2.

Let it Snow!!

I think we should all join together in prayer. We need to pray for snow. My three year old (Zion) has never actually seen snow that sticks to the ground. Now I don't know about you but I think that is really unfortunate. So I am asking all my friends to join me in prayer for snow.

Yes, I realize that there are children starving to death. That there are people dieing of cancer. That elderly people everywhere are neglected and abused. I am not oblivious to these problems. And yes I think we should diligently pray for those needs. Please don't think I am making light of any bad situation. But dag-gone-it I want to see some snow.

My children having been praying all winter for snow. They repeatedly ask me why God isn't answering their prayers. The running joke at our house is that my Mother-in-law (who hates snow) prays more and harder than they do. However I keep telling my children that God hears their prayers and even the smallest thing is important to him. Yes, that includes the desire to see it snow!!!!

Today's Scripture
Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Happy Dance

My in laws called and they are not coming!!!!! They are however coming up next week. But I will address that next week. For today we do the happy dance.

Searching my Heart for Wisdom

My inlaws are coming today!!! Heaven help me. Does it not seem like they were just here? Oh yea, they were just here! arrrggghhh. Once again I am going to try to refrain from complaining about this situation. I am going to take the high road. lol I am just not sure where the high road will take me.

Well on to better subjects. We did go my Mom and Dads' church yesterday. The visiting preacher did a great job and I am sure he will become the new pastor. However I am not sure that we should make their church our home. I love the people there and it is the church I attended from the time I was 10 until I was 17. My children enjoy going there as well.

There are just several things that make it a little uncomfortable. For one I have way to many family members attending the church. My cousin is choir director, my aunt plays piano, my dad is the head deacon, my other cousin is the Sunday school director, it goes on and on. Sometimes that is to close for comfort. Also, the church has a really small choir. After being use to Grace Baptist Church's HUGE and powerful choir it is really hard to adjust. There is nothing major about the church that we don't like. We just don't feel lead to make it our church home.

So in the mean time we will keep searching. Searching the community for churches. Searching our hearts for guidance. And searching God's word for wisdom.

Today's Scripture

Proverbs 9:10"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."

It's the Weekend

Yeah, the weekend is here. You gotta love that. No school, no crossing guard, no lessons and Fred doesn't go to work. I really get excited about the weekends. I love having time to do things without schedules and time frames. Oh who am I kidding we still have a ton of stuff to do!! But somehow it seems less confining on the weekends.

I am hoping to relax a little this weekend and try to enjoy being with my family. Elijah is going to Mammaw and Paps to spend the night and we(the rest of the family) are going to dinner with Kathryn and Caleb. I am looking forward to the night out.

Tomorrow is Sunday, of course. As you know that's my favorite day. My parents' church is looking for a new Pastor. They have a new guy coming tomorrow to preach. So we are going to their church to hear him. I am really anxious to see what he is like. We have been struggling for some time now about what church we want to join. It has been a really difficult decision for us. I am hoping that tomorrow sheds some new found wisdom on the situation. I am praying for some type of revelation. I will keep everyone informed as things unfold.

I want to be open to receive from God. I feel like so many times I allow my own voice as well as others drown out the voice of God in my life. I truly need to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I need to take the time to seek out the will of God in my life. To meditate on his word so that he can reveal himself to me.

Today's Scripture
Proverbs 8: 34 Blessed [is] the man that hears me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.

It's Raining Outside

How is it that rain can totally change my mood. I woke up feeling pretty pepped up. I was thinking about how much I was going to get accomplished this morning and everything that the kids and I were going to do today. There is no cross guard and co-op has been cancelled. I was excited at the prospect of having an entire day to have fun. I got up went downstairs and looked out the kitchen window. RAIN!

I went back upstairs put my p.j.s on and laid back down. Now how sad is that. I don't dislike rainy days. In fact I really like them. When I was growing up we lived in a farm house with a tin roof. I long to hear the sound the rain makes as it hits the tin. I love to play in the rain as long as I can take a shower afterward. I like how it seems to make everything slow down. What I don't like is that is makes my hair frizz!!! And it is impossible to get five kids out of a mini van and into a building without getting totally drinched. Although I like playing in the rain. I can't stand wearing wet clothes. Just another one of my pet peaves. When it rains I want to stay in and relax. Read a book. Watch a movie. Eat chili or chicken and dumplings. Take a bubble bath. You get the picture.

Unfortunatly, my children do not share in my lack of enthusiasm about today's activity level. They are rip roaring and ready to go . Perhaps being cooped up in the house all day with five energetic kids is worse than getting wet in the rain and watching my hair frizz. SO......the kids win again. I am off to get myself ready. I wont bother to do my hair since it will curl up and and look like Dianna Ross anyway. Looky there I just saved myself ten minutes of getting ready time. lol

I know life is about choices. So once again I am going to choose to have a great day. I am going to enjoy the rain and cleansing power it brings. Lord knows I love how it feels after the rain! Everything seems so fresh and new. It's as though God is giving us yet opportunity to start over. To leave the past and head toward out future.

Today's Scripture

3 Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord; his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth" (Hosea 6).

I am Thankful

I didn't have to cross gaurd and I am happy, happy, happy. You cant see me, but I am doing the happy dance. I was able to endulge myself in one of my favorite activities, I slept late!!!! I know I am suppose to be working on my self discipline. However I was up most of the night with sick kids, so I had a good excuse for being a little lazy. And I totally enjoyed it.

It's so funny how little things can make me so happy. I want to take time today to slow down and enjoy even the smallest blessings in my life. When my children are sick and there is work to be done it is easy to forget to be thankful. It's hard not to get caught up in all the chaos. Part of me wants to complain and whine about cleaning up vomit (yes, now Isaac is throwing up), and changing nasty diapers, and listening to children cry with belly aches. But on the otherhand I need to stop and be grateful. I didnt have to get up early and leave my sick children to go to work. No one is in the hospital, something that many sick families can't say. And sick kids offer a unique opportunity to lay in bed and watch movies.

That being said, I am going to be thankful today. I am going to watch movies with my kids. And relax and read "Story of the World," something we have been planning to do for a long time. Thank you God for "time" with my children.

Today's Scripture

“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;” Ephesians 5:20

Today's Prayer

Lord help me to be grateful in all things and all situations. Help me to see your hand at work in my life. I desire to know you more, to seek you harder, and to love you deeper.

Grace's Recital

Healthy Living

I just got home from crossing guard and man was it cold. I use to love the winter and cold weather. But I find that I am becoming less and less tolerant of the temperature extremes. Old age I guess. This getting older thing really stinks sometimes. However, it beats the heck out of the alternative.


Mentally I still think of myself as twenty something. Physically know it's all one big deception on my part. I use to be able to drop 15 pounds just by skipping a meal or two. I could go full throttle for days on end. Even when I was sick it didnt get me down. But suddenly all that is changing. I just cant seem to get motivated to lose wieght. I am tired so much of the time. And heaven help me if I am sick. If I feel bad I just want to go to bed! Seems that each day brings a new ache or pain in my body. Dear Lord I am getting OLD!!!!

I began this blog talking about dreams. Dreaming is just what I want to do. So today I want to start to dream of getting myself together. I want to get in shape. I want to FEEL young and healthy again. I need to eat better, excercise and take care of myself.

Today's Scripture
1 Corinthians 10:31 - "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God"

Isaac Lost His First Tooth

The majority of my morning was spent at the dentist with Isaac and Elijah. Things went really well and it was a pleasant experience for all. I say that because this was a new dentist and we were not sure what to expect. But he was truly wonderful. And I am grateful. It seems like a little thing. Unless, of course you have had a bad dental experience. Then you know how important it it to find someone you like. I took a while finding the right one. I prayed, researched, even tried the "wrong" dentist before finding Dr. BO. I am so glad I took time to really make a prayful educated decision. It totally paid off.

If I could only take more time to make other decisions in my life. I often rush into things without prayful consideration. Only to regret my decision later. I need to stop and seek God's will in my life more often. I am always glad when I do.

Today's Scripture
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths” Prov. 3:6

Church Musical

Sleeping in

Another Sunday is came to a close. It wasn't a typical Sunday for our family. We are still fighting a stomach bug. However we did manage to get to church. And to Grace's piano recital. We grabbed some lunch out after the recital. But other than that we were pretty much confined to the house.

It is now Monday morning and no one has thrown up for at least 16 hours. OH YEA!!!! I slept late this morning. School is out for presidents day so I didnt have to cross gaurd. I absolutely love sleeping in. I have always been a night person. I usually get motivated around 10:00 at night. I will stay up until around 2 or 3 working on a project and then I like to sleep all day. I have tried to change that part of my life. However it is something internal and I dont know how you change that. How do we change those things in our life that seem to be a part of our nature? Part of our make-up in general.

So many things in my life I would love to change. I wish I was a morning person. I could get up early and get things accomplished and still have my entire day ahead of me. I wish I didnt like sweets or carbs. But I absolutely love them! I wake up in the mornings craving them. I wish I didn't enjoy reality television. It is such a waste of my time. The list could go on and on forever.

So how do I change those things that seem so innately in grained in my being? I guess the real question is .... How do I die to myself so that Christ may live in me?

Today's Scripture
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."Galatians 2:20

Accountability

My family has been a little under the weather for the past few days. Between the colds, fevers, and vomiting things have not been very pleasant. But right this minute no one is running a fever and I haven't had to clean up any puke in the past eight hours. Yeah!!!! Life is grand in my house.

You don't realize how good it is when everyone is well, until you get sick and then well again. Suddenly you become very aware of just how good you normally feel. The little aches and pains that we commonly complain about lose their power in our life. It goes back to our perspective. I always laugh when I go to the doctor and they ask me to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten. I always ask, "in comparison to what?" I have had natural child birth, kidney stones, broken ribs, and pins put in my leg without sedation. A migraine or pulled muscle typically do not take precidence in contrast to those things. If child birth is a ten then an abcessed tooth is only a four. My husband who has never had a tooth ache in his life (or given birth) would have a different take on the subject. Perspective is a funny thing.

I try to remember that when dealing with situations and people in my life. I have a several family members in my life who I have difficulty dealing with. I always pray that God would give me objectivity and His perspective when I am with them. I remind myself of one very important thing. When I stand before God he is not going to ask me how others treated me. But, he will ask me how I treated other people. It's not really important what kind of Mother-in-law I have. It does matter what kind of daughter-in-law I am. I am thankful for a God who holds me accountable for my actions but not for the actions of others.

Today's Scripture
Romans 14:11-13 “For it is written, ‘As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.’ So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.”

My Refuge

I thought about writing down all the things that were not right with my day. However, where would that really get me? Would make me feel better? Would it change anything? Of course not.

So I am going to write about the things that were right today. And praise God there were plenty of things right. Elijah is feeling better. The weekend is coming. I don't have to work on Monday. And I spent a couple of hours with my husband this afternoon. I truly enjoyed his company. He is so easy going. Just being in his presence will often times calm my spirit. I am in continual motion, feeling as if I need to fill every moment with some type of accomplishment (I wonder where Elijah gets it's from?). It's nice to see his face and know that everything is alright with my world. There is security in the familiarity of his voice. There is refuge in the feel of his embrace. There is so much love in his eyes. And I am grateful. Grateful that he loves me.

Consistancy

Well Valentines Day wasn't very exciting. It was however consistant. That is the best way to discribe my husband, consistant. He is no real romantic. Nor is he Mr. Excitment. He is however loyal, honest, trustworthy, and helpful. He would do anything I ask him to do. And he NEVER complains. Thank you Lord for a Godly husband. I am so grateful to have him in my life. He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

Today I want to love him with an unconditional love. So often I try to change everyone in my life. It goes back to that need to control that I have. I want him to do things my way. I do after all have his best interests in mind. At least that is how I justify my actions! I need to be more willing to accept him the way he is. To love him for his attributes and forgive him for his faults. Lord knows I have enough faults of my own that I need to fix without trying to fix his as well. This is something that I could work on with everyone in my life, not just my husband. I want to see people through God's eyes. For what they were created to be rather than what they are right now. Often just knowing someone believes in us propels us forward. It give us the encouragement we need to press onward and be more than what we are. I want to be that encouragement for others. I want to love them as Christ loves them.

Today's Scripture
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7

Today's Prayer
Lord help me today to love others as you love them. To be an encouragement to those around me. And help me to walk in forgiveness and love.

My Many Valentines

Love

I am remaining true to my commitment. This is two days in a row that I have started my day with time alone with God. Time to praise him for all he has done in my life. Time to thank him for all his blessings. Time to ask Him to help me be the person He created me to be. Time to seek His face and His glory.

On this day of "love" I want to thank the Lord that I know true love because of his sacrafice. Lord, help me to understand that all love comes from you. And without you I dont have the ability to truly love others.

Today's Scripture:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Today's Prayer

Lord help me today to understand the sacrafice of love that you made for me. Help me to see in others what you see. That I may love them as you love them.

My Valentine

Applebee's

Another day is coming to a close. I have had a terrible headache for several days now. But believe it or not I slowed down and allowed myself to relax a little. We were suppose to go skating this afternoon. However I decided to slow down, finish our school and give myself a chance to get rid of the headache. I am so glad I did. I felt so much better and was able to go to dinner and enjoy my meal. We went to Applebee's and I had cheese sticks (one of my favorites.) Thanks to Kora and Lloyd for an enjoyable afternoon. We always have a great time with their family.

Even when you factor in the headache, I have had a wonderful day. We had a great day of school, I started a new devotional time, we had a great dinner with great friends, I actually walked two miles on the track tonight and my children are completely well! I am truly blessed. God has given me so many things to be grateful for. I never want to take those things for granted. I want to take the time each day to reflect on just how much God has given me.

Steadfast

It's early and usually don't get online this time of day. But I am trying to change some things in my life. I have been trying to block out time for myself. Time to think, blog, pray, or just relax. So I thought I would try to take some time each morning to spend with God. I need to spend more of my energy focusing on the Lord and his Word.

There have been many times over the years that I would start Bible studies or daily devotionals only to let my ethusiasm die out after a few weeks. It's like I mentioned before I get bored very easily and I am always ready to move on. Moving forward is a good thing but not at the expensive of my prayer life or time spent with God. So in an attempt to hold myself accountable I am going to start posting in the mornings what scripture I will be studing for the day. I hope that in doing this I will be more deligent in my study time. Pray for me to remain steadfast in my endeavor.

Today's Scripture:
"My heart is steadfast O God, my heart is steadfast. I will sing and make music. I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. " Psalm 57:7-11.

Today's Prayer:

Lord help me to remain steadfast. I want to be unwavering, unfaultering, unstopable and undeniably yours.

I am Alive!!!

I was driving to crossing gaurd yesterday with the radio on. I usually listen to 87.7 because I like to listen to "Good Morning America." But this was the afternoon and "One Life to Live" was on. For those of you who are not familiar with day time television, that is a soap opera. We all know how encouraging and up lifting the soaps can be!lol

Well suprizingly enough I was inspired. One of the daytime divas was giving a ranting party. She was going on about how the child she thought was hers really wasn't and how in her fight to keep him she endangered the child's life. She then went on to tell how her love for this child had caused her to be blind to the truth and how much pain her actions had caused everyone. Trust me I am giving you the extremely shortened version. Sounds really positive and encouraging, huh? Well somewhere in the midst of the tears and screaming she had a moment of truth. She made the statement that she when she held her child she knew she was alive.

I began to think about. How do we define life? How do we know we are living? I can remember moments in my life where suddenly I was keenly aware of my own heart beat. Those moments came out of fear, love, and sometimes out of excitment. But they did come. And for a moment I felt alive. Truly alive. I want to feel "alive" more often. I want to live in those moments that define me. I want to take the time to really feel. To hear my heart beat. To know my place in the universe.

Today's prayer:
Lord help to feel the electrifying power of the Holy Spirit within me today. Help to know that my place in the universe is defined by your will and purpose. Lord today I want to be alive for you.

Bitter Sweet

Just another manic Monday. Remember that song? Isn't it strange what pops up in your mind? It's almost as if there is a little recorder in your brain with an on/off switch. The only problem is no one knows what will trigger the switch. Seems to me that the play button gets pushed at the most inopportune times. I think in my case its a record player not a recorder. And it probably needs a new needle because it keeps skipping and getting stuck on the same old songs over and over.

Its not just songs that repeat themselves in my mind. All types of memories flood my mind during the day. Often I open my Bible and the smell of the pages remind of going to church as a little girl. Suddenly the fear that I felt as a child when the preacher told about the horrors of Hell overwhelm me. I remember how I didnt want to go to sleep at night for fear I would die in my sleep. The torment I went through during those years led to many sleepless nights and hundreds of prayers.

But it was in that same church that I came to know the Lord as my Savior. To this day when I hear a bass guitar I think of Ronnie Ridnour. He was the bass player at our church. He was playing "Just as I am" the morning I was saved. So along with the fear came understanding. And with understanding came atonement. I guess all memories are bitter sweet.

I Love Sunday's!!!

Sunday. I love Sunday's. It is such a relaxing day. We sleep in then get up in time for church. After church we go out to eat, usually to Mr. Gatti's or the Manderin. We are not particularly fond of either restaurants. However they are one of the few places in town a family of seven can actually afford to eat.

I have found that things such as eating out, movies, and other extra curricular activities present the most significant challenge to a large family. A movie with popcorn, candy, and drinks cost a family with one child about $25 to $30. Not to bad for a weekend outing. When you adjust that to a family of seven the price jumps up to $100. Now thats a huge difference. Eating out is the same way. A couple with one child can eat at a sit down restaurant for about $30. Where as it costs our family about $80. I find that we have to be creative inorder to enjoy these activities. We search out restaurants that provide kids eat free. I also look online and in the paper for coupons quiet often. Mr. Gatti's always hands out free kids buffets. We all eat there on Sunday for $17!!!! Movies are enjoyed at the $1.50 movies. Sure they are not the newest releases but we enjoy the entertainment just the same. We take our own water bottles and candy. We usually splurge and buy the movie popcorn. You just cant replicate that at home nor is the movie the same with out it. I found that buying family passes is definitly the way to go. We pay the same for a family zoo pass as we would if we all went and paid for a one day admission. I never feel like my kids are deprived. They do so much and are so blessed. It just takes a little more planning and creativity. It's kind of become a challenge for our family. We often try to see just how much we can do on as little money as possible.

I am so thankful to have a big family. Sure it brings its own set of challenges. But I enjoy working together to achieve our goals. This summer we are planning to go on a cruise to the Caribbean. We are working hard to save and earn money for our trip. We are having a HUGE yard sale. The kids are saving all their money. We are participating in several consignment sales. And everyone is taking on extra odd jobs. I am thankful that my children are learning that hard work has its rewards. This is a great opportunity for my children to learn and understand the value of money, hard work, and self control (no buying candy or cokes.) I am grateful that the Lord is allowing us to meet this challenge together as a family.

Today's Prayer
Lord help me to be a good steward of your money. Help me to set a good example for my children as we strive together as a family to meet our needs. Thank you for blessing me and our family with this vacation. Help us to use it to serve you and and glorify your name.

Check out my Slide Show!

My Perspective

I guess my friends are getting pretty tired of reading my endless ramblings. I am sorry. I am not saying I am going to stop. Just that I am sorry that I have subjected you to the insanity that is my world.

I spoke of normalcy in one of my blogs. I am not convinced "normal" actually exists. At least not in a broad since of the word. My life consists of taking care of five children, living with a husband who works third shift, homeschooling, working three part-time jobs, and having a sister who is in a wheelchair. None of those characteristics fall under the typical definition of normal. On the otherhand I am a typical mom living in the south. I go to a traditional Southern Baptist Church. My Dad is a union ironworker. And I grew up in a public schools with a stay at home mom. I have been married only once and for fifteen years. Pretty normal, huh?

Perspective and state of mind has a tremendous amount to do with how we define situations. I want to keep my mind and my thoughts subjective to the will of God. I want to focus on those things of value in my life. The Bible says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philipians 4:8. Those are the things I am choosing to think on today, normal or not.

My Running Commentary

Today has been a wonderful day. I have been on the road almost all day. Group music lessons, crossing gaurd, Mckay's, Hobby Lobby, gas station, grocery store and swim clinic have kept me busy. Too busy infact to think about very much other than how to get from one place to another without being late (that wasn't a total success.) Considering how little time I had to contemplate life I don't have to much to write about.

But I am not too concerned, I usually have a running commentary in my mind. A commentary that does not require a whole lot of thought on my behalf. My inability to stop my mind from continually over analyzing each and every thought that enters my head wears me out. And if thats not enough, I then feel the need to discuss all those thoughts with someone (usually Cherdo.) God love her for listening.

I say so much, but do I really hear myself? Maybe its time I learn to recognize my voice and actually listen to what I hear. If the mouth speaks out of the over flow of the heart, then what is my heart telling me?

Today's Prayer
Lord help me to listen. I want to know your voice. I want to seek your face.

Seasons of Change

It was so nice outside today. I love this warm weather. If it is not going to snow, then I would like it to stay this warm until summer. I love it when you can feel the change of seasons in the air. I am not particular about which time of year is coming, any will do. I just love the anticipation of the coming season.

I love each time of year, I truly dont have a favorite. I get excited about Spring. Just the idea of starting fresh brings a renewed since of life. Then Summer, you gotta love summer. There is so much to do, swimming, fishing, camping, and best of all no school. Then fall comes and the air gets cool and my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming! After, that I begin to look forward to snow (not that we have been getting any.) I love making snow cream and snowmen. And believe it or not my hair doesn't frizz in the winter. Then we are right back to a fresh start again.

What's not to love? Maybe, it comes from my ongoing desire for change. I get bored easily and am always ready to move on to the next big thing. That can be a blessing. But, it can definitely be a burden as well. I need to find a balance in my life. My need for change can't prevent me from following through with my goals and dreams.


Today's Prayer
Lord help me to seek out changes in my life that are in line with your will. As I welcome new changes help me to remain content in any situation I am in. I want to be content but never complacent.

Micro Management

Whew! Another Tuesday has come and gone. As I have mentioned before it is my crazy day. At least school was out. This means no crossgaurd, which always makes for a easier day. There are so many places to be. So many classes and lessons. Yet only twenty-four hours in this day.

I am learning that much to my dismay I can't be all things to all people. Nor can I be everywhere at the same time. I am forcing myself to let go and trust my kids to do somethings on their on. For years I never missed a dance class, piano lesson, baseball game, or any of their activities. It was as if I thought if I were not there watching then they couldn't perform. I know it sounds crazy. I never claimed to be sane. I always try to fix everything whether it needs fixing or not. I need to have things just a certain way. The towels folded in the same direction. Food on the right shelf in the refrigerator. Pillows turned a specific direction on the couch. I am trying to force myself to let go. I try so hard to control every situation. It is not that I want people to do things my way (ok, maybe I do.) It comes more from a fear of things being out of control. I think I have always had such chaos in my life that I need to feel that I have a handle on everything.

Like I said I am learning. I am realizing that my children can not grow into mighty men and women of God if I don't allow them to live there own lives. Grace can do the laundry. No one cares if she folds the towels differently than I do. Elijah can put up the groceries. After all the milk will only fit on the top shelf anyway. Isaac can unload the dishwasher because it doesnt matter if the forks are not evenly placed in the drawer. I have to stop micro managing them and start letting them make their own choices. Lord help me. Friends pray for me. I know this is not going to be easy. Letting go never is. However I am excited to see just how far my children can go if I let them.

The Abundant Life

I ask myself where I wanted to be this time next year. Where I want to be is in a larger house! And if I am going to dream, I am going to dream big. I want five bedrooms, three baths, a bonus room for school and crafts, a large eat in kitchen with breakfast nook, walk in closets and a huge garage. All that sitting on about 1o acres of land. Oh yea, I would like it to be somewhere close to an interstate exit. I dont want it to take me forever to get everywhere I need to go.

I know I am asking for a lot. But, I serve a big God and why should I limit him or myself for that matter. His word said that he came that I might have life abundantly! Now comes the fun part. How can I see my dream fulfilled? What does God expect from me inorder that I might walk in his abundance? I am not so ignorant that I dont know that God's plan requires my submission and willingness to serve him. I have faith that my dreams can come true. But, faith without works is dead. So, I guess its time to get busy.

Today's Prayer
Lord help me to know and understand in what direction you are leading me? What is it that you are calling me to do? How can I serve you?

Self Deception

I have been talking quiet a bit about my dreams, or the lack there of. I have been trying to redefine my dreams and what expectations I have for my life. I said I would start small. I didnt want to overwhelm myself. Ha, what a joke. I was just afraid to stick my neck out and really dream. What am I afraid of? Failure and disappointment I guess.

I started off trying to write down what I called "today's dream." They were not really dreams at all. More like prayers for the day. I want to keep doing that. I need to have personal goals for each day. But I need to stop lying to myself and calling them dreams. There is not much worse than self deception.

I have decided that if I am going to dream I might as well dream big! That being said I want to start thinking about what I really want to change in my life. Where do I want to be this time next year? What about in five years? Or ten? I am going all out and I am excited about what the future holds.


Today's Prayer

I want to stop decieving myself. I want to walk in truth. Lord help me to see clearly through your eyes.

Enough is Enough

I love my kids. I am sure I have mentioned that somewhere in this blog. But, there are those days. Those days when I want to scream ENOUGH! Enough whinning. Enough arguing. Enough complaining. Enough attitude. I Think I have made my point. I wonder why they themselves dont get tired of hearing it.

You would think that I would be glad when one or more of them spend the night at their Grandparents house. However that is not the case. Grace is going to spend the night with her Mammaw and Pap tonight. She will be in complete utopia. She gets anything and everything to eat that her heart desires. She will totally veg in front of the tv with complete control of the remote. Life as she knows it is good.

I on the other hand will be in complete withdrawl. Have I defined myself by my children for so long that I dont know who I am without them? Who am I when I am not being a wife or a mother? What makes me laugh or cry? In the stillness of the night do I recognize my own voice? What am I saying?

Today's Dream
I want to define myself by God's definition of my life. It is He who created me. What is his design for my life? Am I measureing up?